untold love / just passing cloud---- a story

I am in a beach alone unlike other times I came here , but the scenic painting of nature remains as usual with children of various age group, ladies ,men, old ,young and pairs of either loving or married .

I stood how long I don't know just seeing the waves coming towards the shore, some bring hopes and aspirations to some, some waves disappointments, some soothing the ruffled feelings, some calm down the emotional turbulence but waves do the nature's job ceaselessly to the shore and people..Animals like horses,dogs birds like mainly crow and other species either wander or fly about like human minds; do they also think like us or don't have any thinking like us. If so , are they liberated unlike us who bound down to Karmic wheel of sorrow and happiness.

Is there any change or is it possible to change the pace of Karmic wheel as we try to do everyday.? When helpless comes, how seriously or how concerned we are about ourselves. Why don't we accept as and when anything comes? Then why we take birth ........... is it only to suffer ? Well, if we know the fact as described by scholars and mythology alike, that life is an illusion , does it not prove that life is meaningless.

She came back to reality and started seeing people , one section with Pundits conducting the ritual of bringing peace to departed souls and after placing the cooked rice and other things on a banana leave , taking a dip in the sea and coming back to the shore with emotions writ large on the faces.

Seema also came for that ritual of giving the " Pindam" to the departed soul , one difference being she in no way related by any sense as known to the world .First she thought of the relationship she had with this man who passed away. He was a bachelor , name Sarath, hailed from a village, a journalist like her.

He neither behaves like any other journalist as if skulking on the ivory tower of knowledge not with a face with which they move with the society. He was a good man with manners , not showing any false mask to her.He was what to her --- she was thinking. , husband,lover, friend or what . He was not anything to her . They were both journalists, always talking on many issues including personal problems , but never talked anything of affection or love.

Am I loving him now? No , I don't...... or did I love him when we were friends, when he was alive. I am not clear..... never talked anything beyond the boundary of decency, neither of us went into the private domain of another.Did he love me in anyway?....... I could not make out neither he ever broached the subject of love .

Then why is it I am here to conduct the ritual when he passed away , when no one is interested to do this ?

Is is some unknown feeling or untold love which pushes me to do this.? Does his soul know this in this sea shore. We visited here so many times and talked. Is he here now looking, observing me , my thoughts ?

If he right now observes , is it that he becomes one with me - the observer becomes one with the one observed? Am I thinking in the right direction? Or he will misunderstand me now, spoiling the image of friendship. Why does not someone with true attachment , or whatever give this last rite to one departed among us.

I feel nothing wrong in doing this.Pandit or priest asked the star , name , my name and the relationship....... relationship I keep mum......... thinking I have not heard what he asked me, he asked me again , I said ' Friend' ........still under confusion , but he conducted the rite , uttering all the mantras and asked me to give it to crows and take a dip in the sea.

I am standing in the sea knee deep after taking the dip, I looked up , one shadow passing over my head , it is a big cloud.

Is that cloud him ....... is that face I see belongs to him or is that he?

The cloud moved away. I don't know how long I stood there.

I do remember once he told me " how can I see you if suddenly I pass away. no body knows."

When turned back people crowd had become thin .

But world is always with people , never crowd becomes less.

Love and affection are always remaining things in this world.

Rest are not permanent.