Monday, March 22, 2010

Pangs of Hunger / A story

Old mat,old clothes,old bed sheet and old sarees - these are put together is the bed both for me and my mother.Mother makes money by stringing together the jasmine and other flowers of daily use by ladies and for worshiping Gods and Goddesses ,almost a full time job except what we cook in the corner of the room.

Food normally is rice gruel , tapioca boiled , if fish found to be cheap once in a while in a month.
A small house,tiled .One room where everything is kept .Our working ,cooking all get finished in the room One veranda outside where we both sit for sometime to cool ourselves.No electricity.We both know what poverty means and we fight against all odds to live a life.
Flowers kept in a basket partly tied in string of cotton by our own hands and the rest is kept for doing it early morning.Ladies who sell will come and get it who are employed by the flower shop owners from whom we get our wages every week.
My mother and I were sleeping together on that old mat and whenever I feel for her I put my hand on her stomach and sleep.It is raining today and lightening also .Sound of thunder made me wake up around 12 O' clock and my hands as usual seeking my mother by my side but could feel only the saree and other clothes .
As I have been instructed by mother never to raise the voice and always maintain calmness, I kept quiet for sometime.
I felt some whispering noise feebly and I thought may be, the neighbor's house TV being watched and that house is away from us around more than 1000 feet , typical houses outside the town limit with little garden and a bamboo and shrubs separating the next house from us.
Again lightning with thunders , I am a bit afraid. I have come out to see whether my mother has come out for using the toilet which away outside the house near the compound.
I could hear whispering sound and thought mother talking herself for not getting sleep.
When lightning struck I found mother laying on the mat and another one voice in the same whispering with giggles and moaning which I could not recognize.
I slowly opened the door of my room and kept ajar for sometime........
Next lightning came and in the flash of light I could see four legs on the mat twining.I am just 11 years old girl.
Before the next lightning came I closed the door without locking and came back to the bed clutching the old clothes.
I tried to sleep..........

Shadow / A small story

She could barely see and if at all as if looking though mist what is happening around her.She has not come out of the influence of the Anesthesia given to her for a Caesarian delivery of her baby and her mother said she delivered a boy child though premature.She was assured by her mother that baby would be aright, Doctors said so and everything was taken care of.

She goes back to the anesthetic influence like a trance , she walks with him , her lover , in the narrow path of the garden as if made for the lovers hand in hand trampling the flowers strewn around by the trees on the both sides of the path.Quite a dreamy atmosphere walking with one , who she liked and loved and his fingers gripping her fingers and she felt secure in his fingers , as her future would be safe with him . He was tall,intelligent,smiling fit to the profession doing his Post graduation in Pediatrics.

Now when opened her eyes slowly with the post operative tiredness and anesthetic state, she could see her babe in the next room in an incubator and she could see the babe , her mother said a boy,through the glass separation .

Her mother is happy to look at , the exuberance shows she is a proud grand mother and she is smiling down at her daughter.

'How is the boy?'

'Doctors say fine , one young doc taking care of the baby "

'Oh , did you talk to the doc?'

'No, he smiled and I feel confident he is a good doc'

After drinking a glass of some hot drink, she slipped back into sleep .Her lover's fingers are soft and sweet to feel the memory even now. How wonderful those days , meeting , walking , the feeling of elation.Like all lovers we moved our fingers on each other showing our affection . His fingers touching my chin, nose and my lips.....hmm what a feeling it was !! The college campus was full of students in their white coats,some just carrying as if walking a kid, some putting folded on one side of the shoulder , some carrying cleanly folded and hung either left or right hand.

When she came back to consciousness she could see a Doctor attending her babe through the glass separation , baby in the incubator.Nurse said ' He is a good neonatalogist , very good doc"

She could see the back of the doctor attending the baby,but fingers of the doctor even from the distance a bit familiar, her feelings?......... or really so.

Mother was standing before the Doc , just watching as an observer.She came back and said 'Doctor says baby can be taken home in a few days"

Two days passed , and she could move around and went to see the boy in the incubator. While looking down the face, fingers,and the eyes, she was thrilled as a mother and some feeling inexplicable happening inside her .Oh this is called the love of mother , she thought.

Rustling of soft sponge shoes and Nurses made her to stand aside Doctor came with juniors and trainees.One trainee carrying the clinical report and showing the Doc and he was seeing all the parameters recorded in the report. Form behind my mother , I was watching closely .Doctor was seeing the babe touching with his fingers and talked to the juniors. Without turning around to see us he asked 'Who is the mother of this babe?'

I went to the front from behind my mother and he turned around to see me face to face.......

Oh My God!!!! this is him , my former lover, now neonatalogist .A flash came to his face which I have seen thousand times, now I standing dazed. He maintained his composure and said 'Baby is alright you can take him home tomorrow and a Paediatrician's name will be given to you , You can have your consultation with him for your baby. ok.' He passed quickly with his fellow juniors.

When I went back in the memory lane , how circumstances made around me got me married to another one and now in hospital for delivery.

My mother said 'What a good Doctor, how careful he was while taking care of the baby'

Yes' I said.My mother stood perplexed looking at my face.

Is my son resembling him in any way , face, fingers,.......... or my sedatives play a haphazard role in my thinking pattern.

Does mind instigate genetic mutation or simple genetics is purely a medical science?

Genetics is a proof of Medical Science but mind..............?

Hereditary Property - A Story

She is sitting in the Verandah of the Government Hospital ,discharged a few hours ago ,with a baby of three days old, for she was admitted herself in that Hospital one week back.The baby was kept in an old saree of her ,only tiny hands and legs were visible.She looked at the face of the child ,he opened the eyes and the lips , while looking at , seemed like smiling at her.She got courage from the new born face.The sort of courage she got seemed to have come to her owing to being a mother.Motherhood gives courage indescribable to any mother although many a time such young mothers when came into Hospital for delivery are afraid , especially the mother of her category.No one to look after her.

She looked again the face of the child which has no resemblance of her face, may be so because the child is a boy.
She did not have the strength of going out , could not shout and call an Auto-rikcha.
She looked around and saw an Aayah, who is scavenger in the Hospital whose face became familiar to her during this one week, was coming in her direction.
She called her 'Amma, could you do me a help?'
'What?' the scavenger asked in return.
'Would you please call an Auto for me , so that I can go home'
The scavenger knew no body came with her while admitting her in Hospital and she was alone and now sitting alone with the baby.She out of her experience could perceive what kind of pregnancy this must be , if no male comes , she knows what is the status of the baby.She felt something churning inside her since she is also a woman who certainly knows what would be plight of this girls .
Without answering she went out and brought an Auto.
When helping her go to the Auto , the lady carried the cloth bag containing some old clothes and a flask.Then she said to the Auto driver ' please be careful son,she is new mother, weak, take care while travelling and drop her in her house'
'Don't worry mother , I will take care the sister and drop her wherever she goes'
Then the scavenger started murmuring something partly heard partly unheard ' When these kind of things will stop, one is suffering and one responsible for this never bothers even to come to the hospital.......... when this all stop......... poor ladies.... no one in home .' and went back into the Hospital.
Auto driver turned back and asked 'Sister, where you want to go ?'
On hearing the place she wanted to go , he started driving and simultaneously talking to her .
All the way he was talking facing the road and she could hear only the voice.
' Sister, don't worry , I was also born like this in a Government Hospital 20 years back and my mother brought me up. Now I am an auto driver before you.I understand the plight of your mind and what you think about.. My mother was working I heard her say, in a big bungalow and she was a helper and cleaner in the house.Even I know my father who he is.But I dont have the right of any, since my mother accepted him owing to her age at that time.And you know I am the end result now as an Auto driver.You must know I am fortunate that my mother did not decide to end my life then , so I am a bastard now. It is ok sister, this is my fate..
One funny think , I may be wrong to say this to you , although I know right now 90% what is your status now, well funny thing is , my father , that big fellow with all the riches,came to see my mother in the hospital and inserted a ten rupee note under the pillow of my mother and walked away. That was the last time she had seen him , she worked in various houses and brought me up...........'
While he is talking I looked at the baby , trying to find any resemblance of the Watchman of the house she is employed 'Dhamu'......... may be, but will be visible only when this boy grows up.Again I started concentrating on the talk of the Auto driver.
'Sister , that thankless fellow, my father you know is a big land lord , despite that he did not help my mother financially ever.Very hard ways we lived, she is a tireless worker , still working in houses, cleaning the vessels, house etc . My income by driving this Auto is not enough since I drive this Auto , not my own'
Meanwhile while listening the story , my mind went to compare myself with the mother of this Auto driver.
' His hereditary property is ten rupees , may be not even that for me, Dhamu is living with his wife and children, already poor. So I must start working as soon as possible to work . I must tell my fellow girls to find some job, house job of cleaning etc, so I can take the baby along with me to my working place and make him grow into a youth.Somehow motherhood gives courage to fight against.I dont know, but I think it is natural for all women.'
My hereditary property is poverty , Auto driver's is ten rupees, for my son not even ten rupees.

FACES / A STORY

Many faces we come across in every day's life and never give thought to how they live or what they do, this is one of those faces which if followed would reveal the realities behind this kind of face.Her name is Meenakshi.
The place where she lives is near a Railway station where only passenger trains stop a few minutes and proceed , but two parallel of railway tracks one near the platform , another on the offside , beyond that track lives hundreds of families live in huts, hovels and hut-like structures only nights. Rest of the time is platform and train . Just begging in the running trains between the stations and come back to the station , nearby their huts are.
Meenakshi has one saari, which she uses so deftly to prevent the ogling eyes, night as a cover from the cold and giving warmth to her two kids; she has seven kids, five of them gone somewhere , where she does not know , but happy at least they will be eating and living somewhere, these two kids are too young , and a husband Ayyaavoo, who is a leper with only stubs as fingers.
Morning sun slowly spreading the rays equally to one and all without discrimination, and the clock of this shanties is one Pappan, who is an handicap , blind but good at singing; once he starts rehearsal means , next train is about to arrive at the platform within few minutes.Hundreds of beggars, both handicapped and able bodied living there, getting ready for their daily chore that is begging.Among them are some dancing girls, who are comparatively 'richer' since night time they are busy......... but kind enough to help others in times when someone ill and not able to go for begging.
Meenakshi's life is like parallel tracks , she knows, one is happiness another one is lifeless living never meeting each other.
Meenakshi starts getting ready, getting ready means sprinkling water and tidying the hair, take a few drops of oil from the lamp ,rubbing between the palms and apply on her face and hands; that is all , she is ready now for begging. She has seen both her young kids sleeping since the time is early morning.One end of the hut she as seen her husband slightly shaking his head and hands.......Oh, he has got up and shouting her to give something to eat. She has gone inside and brought a pot containing the last night's gruel, into which he dipped his stubs [fingers] to find out , whether any rice remaining. She has gone near him and put the pot near his mouth making him drink whatever remained yesterday.
Suddenly he spat the entire gruel on her face , castigating with all words not deserved to be written.
Meenakshi washed her face and swabbed her face with the end of her saari, started to run to catch the train for begging.
Sun is coming up to see her running towards the station.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

തിരിച്ചറിവ്

എന്നില്‍തട്ടി പ്രതിധ്വനിച്ചശബ്ദങ്ങളില്‍
ഒന്ന്,എന്റെപേരായിരുന്നു!
ഞാനായ ജന്മത്തിന്റെ നിര്‍മ്മാണത്തിന്
ഭാഗഭാക്കുകളാകേണ്ടിവന്ന മാതാപിതാക്കളെ
ഞാന്‍ തെരഞ്ഞു;

ദിവ്യചക്ഷുസ്സുക്കള്‍കൊണ്ട് ഞാന്‍ ദര്‍ശിച്ച
അനേകദൃശ്യങ്ങളെല്ലാം,എന്നില്‍ അവാച്യമായ
അനുഭൂതിഉളവാക്കി!

കാതിലലയടിച്ചെത്തിയ നാനാതരം ശബ്ദങ്ങളില്‍
ഇമ്പമായതിനെ മാത്രം ഞാന്‍ സ്വീകരിച്ചു!
പരമാണുവില്‍ പോലും എന്റെതന്നെ സ്വരൂപം
ദര്‍ശിച്ച ഞാന്‍ എന്നില്‍ തൃപ്തയായീ!

പൊഴിഞ്ഞുവീണമുടിയിഴകളില്പോലും
എന്നെ ദര്‍ശിച്ച ഞാന്‍,
പ്രായാധിക്യത്താല്‍ വിളറിവെളുത്ത തലമുടി
കണ്ട് നിശബ്ദയായി തേങ്ങി!

പൊഴിഞ്ഞുവീണ പല്ല്,എന്നെനോക്കിദൈന്യ
തയോടെ കരഞ്ഞത് കാണാതെ,ഞാന്‍
പുഞ്ചിരിക്കുന്ന ദന്തനിരകളെ നോക്കിനിന്നു!

രാത്രിയുടെ അരണ്ട വെളിച്ചത്തില്‍
ശരീരത്തിലെ മുറിവുകള്‍മറയ്ക്കാന്‍
ശ്രമിക്കുന്ന കിടക്ക വിരിയെകണ്ടഞാന്‍
സാന്ത്വനിപ്പാനായി,തഴുകിത്തലോടി;

പ്രഭാതത്തിന്റെ നിറവില്‍ സൂചിനൂലാല്‍
മുറിവ് ഉണക്കാമെന്ന വാഗ്ദ്ധാനത്തില്‍
അവളോടൊപ്പം ശയിക്കാന്‍ ഒരുങ്ങീ!

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

ബിംബങ്ങള്‍

പ്രാകൃതബിംബങ്ങളുടെ
യവനികയ്ക്കുള്ളില്‍അറിയാത്ത
നടനായി കാലം,ആള്‍മാറാട്ടം
നടത്തിക്കൊണ്ടിരിക്കുന്നു.

അറിയാത്ത സദസ്സുകളില്‍,
അറിയപ്പെടാത്ത,ആരുമല്ലാത്ത
അവന്‍,അറിവിലൂടെ അവനെത്തന്നെ
അറിയാന്‍ ശ്രമിക്കകയായിരുന്നില്ലെ?

ജരാനരകള്‍കൊണ്ട് ;
വികൃതമായവികാരത്തെ
വിറങ്ങലിപ്പിക്കാമെന്നും,
മോഹങ്ങളെ മറച്ചുവയ്ക്കാമെന്നും,
സ്വപ്നങ്ങളില്‍ മാത്രം കാലം
കരുണകാട്ടി കാണിച്ചുതരുന്നു!

കാലം വിരസതയുടെ വേലിയേറ്റം
സൃഷ്ടിച്ചത്,
കണ്ണുകളിലെ തീഷ്ണത മറച്ചുപിടിച്ചത്,
ഒരു തമാശ മാത്രമായിരുന്നില്ലെ?

അമ്മയുടെ ഗര്‍ഭപാത്രത്തിനുപോലും
വാടക നിശ്ചയിക്കുന്ന കാലത്തില്‍,
പ്രതിഫലം മോഹിക്കാത്ത ബന്ധങ്ങളുടെ
ആഴത്തില്‍ ഞാന്‍ തെരയുന്നത്,
എന്നെ ത്തന്നെയല്ലേ?

അലസമായ മുഖഭാവത്തിലും,
ഇഴപിരിഞ്ഞ മുടിയിഴകളിലും,
ദൈന്യതയുടെ മുഖം മൂടിയിലും,
ഞാന്‍ കാണാതിരുന്ന വികാരം
എന്തായിരുന്നു?

മനസ്സിന്റെ ഉള്ളറകളില്‍,
മറ്റാരുമറിയാതെ മറച്ചുവച്ചിരുന്നത്
മനസ്സിനെത്തന്നെയായിരുന്നില്ലേ?

Friday, November 7, 2008

അമ്മ

വ്യക്തമായ വരികളില്‍,
വ്യക്തമായിക്കുറിക്കാന്‍ കഴിയുന്ന,
വ്യക്തിബന്ധങ്ങളില്‍,
വെട്ടിത്തിരുത്താനാവാത്ത,ഏകബന്ധം
മാതൃബന്ധം തന്നെയല്ലേ?

ആഞ്ഞടിക്കുന്ന തിരമാലകള്‍ക്കും,
കോരിച്ചൊരിയുന്ന പേമാരിക്കും,
ചുഴറ്റിയെറിയുന്ന കൊടുംകാറ്റിനും,
കടപുഴകിവീഴ്ത്താന്‍ കഴിയാത്ത
ഏകബന്ധവും അമ്മതന്നെയല്ലേ?

വഞ്ചിക്കുന്ന പുഞ്ചിരിക്കും,
നിശ്വസിക്കുന്ന അവിശ്വാസത്തിനും,
വീമ്പിളക്കുന്ന വികാരത്തിനും,
വിലാസമായ വിനോദത്തിനും,
വീണ്‍വാക്കുചൊല്ലിപ്പിരിയാന്‍
കഴിയാത്തഏകബന്ധവും
മാതാവുതന്നെയല്ലേ?

കാലത്തിന്റെ കണക്കുപുസ്തകത്തില്‍
നെടുകെയും,കുറുകെയുമെഴുതി
കണക്കുകൂട്ടുമ്പോള്‍,

എന്നും എങ്ങോട്ടുകൂട്ടിയാലും,
കിഴിച്ചാലും,
ഗുണിച്ചാലും,ഹരിച്ചാലും,
ഉത്തരം തെറ്റാതെകിട്ടുന്ന ഒരേ
ഒരു കണക്ക്,
അമ്മയുടേതുതന്നെയല്ലേ?

സുപ്രഭാതം പോലെ,
സന്ധ്യാദീപം പോലെ,
മനസ്സാക്ഷിയുടെ തിളക്കം പോലെ,
മാസ്മരസൌഖ്യമരുളുന്ന
മന്ത്രസ്വരൂപിണിയും മറ്റാരുമല്ലല്ലോ?

മായ്ച്ചാലും മായാത്ത
മധുര സ്മരണകളി‍ല്‍,
മങ്ങാതെ മറയാതെ മഞ്ഞുപോലെ
മനോഹരിയായ മാതൃത്വമേ....
മനസ്സുകൊണ്ട് ,മന്ദഹാസത്തോടെ
മറ്റാരുമറിയാതെ മന്ദം,മന്ദം..
മാറില്‍ ചേര്‍ന്ന് മയങ്ങട്ടെ!
ഞാന്‍....മതിവരുവോളവും....


ശ്രീദേവിനായര്‍.