Mother / A Story

Rohini is pregnant a few months and could feel so. Is child birth going to be painful although pleasurable to know a newborn is going to come and live with us .The child is born out of my own blood and flesh. How wonderful is the feeling of having a child !! .It is a wonderful feeling and mystery to see one's own as a full entity going to be seen by me.I could feel something mysterious and immeasurable playing a role in every creation in this world and mother is the first previleged one to understand in her own limited capacity.
Something always immediate to us which we don't really comprehend all these years is rubbing us to make us perceive that 'something'.
No one neglects anything which he or judges to be good, except with the hope of gaining a greater one.
'Rohini' my husband called.
'Yes'
How do you feel?
'I am ok' although I know I am tired owing to general debility.
He came to me and hugged and kissed in the head,put his hand on my hip and rubbed my stomach and pressed my back and could understand his affection and love.
He was laying with me in bed for few minutes and said ' bye , I am going our office"
'ok'
Bye see you in the afternoon'
I could hear the sound of the door locked from outside the house , since I could not go and lock.The car was started and going away.I was laying in the bed thinking of the sequences happening since marriage and how expected this moment of child bearing and new arrival.Hmmm six years passed.
No kid came to share the family and make a fulfillment in our house.Only now............. Ravi feels happy , knowing he is going to get a son .
Six years of a marriage without a child is traumatic in anybody's life and disillusionment of reality wich if pursued would lead to untoward consequences.Human instinct is forced to survive owing to the circumstances one is in,and so in such a brief time,one in his or her feeble moment is inexplicably forced to give a go by the morals which we othewise normally accept.
But our awakened memory would disturb our mind for having taken certain steps for survival--which is the tragedy gnawing at our conscience.
I went out of the house to see whether the compound gate was closed by our maid; yes closed and on coming back my house voluntarily , however best I avoided,went to see the garage of our car where Mathew , our driver lived.
Having come to know I am pregnant , I asked my husband, for survival and maintaining the dignity and status, I said to my husband Ravi to send off the driver since we two know driving, why a driver separately.
What to do ........... life is with many hidden things burried down deep.......... and everyone is to survive.
Ravi said 'ok , I will fix him somewhere in the office, poor chap'
Now problem is I feel guilty and this guilty feeling is really killing me mentally.One option being terminating the pregnancy and continue living without remorse. If wanting to keep Ravi happy and the family as full entity,I have to beget the baby. Am I guilty of having the baby the way i selected?.
I dont know.
But Ravi's happiness is more important.......... What to do........terminating or seeing the face of the baby and living the family life of our own.Let Nature decide.Nature is the greatest living force .
Nature will not kill anyone I am sure