My mother and me / A story

Class attendance was taken and one by one said yes and when the name came to Babu Saraswathy teacher looked up to the place where babu usually sat and did not call again .She knew he could not come on time ,his mother was admitted in Government Hospital and he would be there attending his mother since no one there in his family to look after her .He and mother only and father passed away one day when he was pulling his cart with load and a speeding lorry hit him and he passed away in a pool of blood - whatever the quantity he had in his body.

Babu sitting in Hospital beside his mother and his mother's eyes looking at him passionately.Nurse brought gruel of rice to the patient asking babu whether he would manage giving it to mother.

"yes sister, I will give..but she is not able to take anything '

Don't worry Babu, try to give as much as possible, we are managing with infusion also'

'Sister, she is not able to talk to me'

She is weak Babu, you see, she will talk to you tomorrow'

'o.k.sister'

Mother showed her hand below her pillo and he knew she meant money to be taken by me to eat for lunch.I don't use the money for my lunch , I know I need money for her other needs , so I come back by evening after school and take the remnant of the rice gruel and I don't take anything else in school or anywhere .I manage with water from school and no one knew I am hungry in school.

I said to mother ' I am going to school'

Mother , I know cant speak since she is week.I could read her eyes , she is saying yes and again showing her fingers below her pillow.I knew what she conveyed ,but said no .I said I had enough to maintain.

I started running to school through the by lanes ,I know going through the main road would take more time , and by the time I reach would be lunch time.Despite my hungry I could run fast so I reached school by 11.30.

I stood out side the class room.Saraswthy teacher asked me to come in and called me near her and asked in whispering tone 'How is your mom'

'she is weak not able to speak.sister said she would talk to me tomorrow and they give treatment.'

Night where do you stay?'

' I lie down on the floor'

'food'

'My mom not able to take complete, I say I already taken,I would take the remnant of the food after she closed her eyes'

'Go and sit down Babu'

Interval came and when all the classmates went to open their food packets I went to a corner near a tree and sat down , started reading my lesions.I must study well so I will pass in three years time my school final , if possible by doing part time job I will study further.

I must help my mother , when she comes out of the hospital I will ask her not to go for work[ she goes for house work like cleaning the kitchen vessels and mopping the floor in three houses and comes back by evening 7 o' clock.She brings home the old and remnant food given by the owners of the house which my mom and I take .That is only only meal we take a day.If there is anything remaining she would give for me in the morning.Money is used for paying the rent to our hut and some essentials.

School bell ringing , now 4o'clock

If start running by the by lanes I could reach the hospital in one hour , for I have to run fast without stopping , no slowing down.

While running I saw a small shop where near the cash counter they keep many things in the jars, like toffes , pickles,lolly pops and salted and soaked amla fruits.I stopped running and went into the shop.

This amla he can give to mother so that she will take more gruel and can bit amla in between.Her mouth has become tasteless , she is very week.sure one day I will become someone and take care of my mother well.

Now I saw a temple, near the shop , very small roadside Vignesh temple.I stood there ..........I don't know how to pray.

I stood before Lord Vigneshwara and prayed as follows

My Vignesh ,I have a friend in your name in my class.

When he knows as a friend about me and my mom

You must also be knowing my mom

She is poor and I am poor

Pl help to raise up from the bed

Let her take rest

I will do part time while studying

Swami, sorry , I have to run.

i will come back.

Thanks.

Then he started running and reached Hospital , running inside the ward.

Bed number 101.

Bed is covered on four sides with screen......... must be giving some treatment

I neared the bed lifting the screen

Sister was closing my mother head to foot with a white sheet.

My mom..............

Mother / A Story

Rohini is pregnant a few months and could feel so. Is child birth going to be painful although pleasurable to know a newborn is going to come and live with us .The child is born out of my own blood and flesh. How wonderful is the feeling of having a child !! .It is a wonderful feeling and mystery to see one's own as a full entity going to be seen by me.I could feel something mysterious and immeasurable playing a role in every creation in this world and mother is the first previleged one to understand in her own limited capacity.
Something always immediate to us which we don't really comprehend all these years is rubbing us to make us perceive that 'something'.
No one neglects anything which he or judges to be good, except with the hope of gaining a greater one.
'Rohini' my husband called.
'Yes'
How do you feel?
'I am ok' although I know I am tired owing to general debility.
He came to me and hugged and kissed in the head,put his hand on my hip and rubbed my stomach and pressed my back and could understand his affection and love.
He was laying with me in bed for few minutes and said ' bye , I am going our office"
'ok'
Bye see you in the afternoon'
I could hear the sound of the door locked from outside the house , since I could not go and lock.The car was started and going away.I was laying in the bed thinking of the sequences happening since marriage and how expected this moment of child bearing and new arrival.Hmmm six years passed.
No kid came to share the family and make a fulfillment in our house.Only now............. Ravi feels happy , knowing he is going to get a son .
Six years of a marriage without a child is traumatic in anybody's life and disillusionment of reality wich if pursued would lead to untoward consequences.Human instinct is forced to survive owing to the circumstances one is in,and so in such a brief time,one in his or her feeble moment is inexplicably forced to give a go by the morals which we othewise normally accept.
But our awakened memory would disturb our mind for having taken certain steps for survival--which is the tragedy gnawing at our conscience.
I went out of the house to see whether the compound gate was closed by our maid; yes closed and on coming back my house voluntarily , however best I avoided,went to see the garage of our car where Mathew , our driver lived.
Having come to know I am pregnant , I asked my husband, for survival and maintaining the dignity and status, I said to my husband Ravi to send off the driver since we two know driving, why a driver separately.
What to do ........... life is with many hidden things burried down deep.......... and everyone is to survive.
Ravi said 'ok , I will fix him somewhere in the office, poor chap'
Now problem is I feel guilty and this guilty feeling is really killing me mentally.One option being terminating the pregnancy and continue living without remorse. If wanting to keep Ravi happy and the family as full entity,I have to beget the baby. Am I guilty of having the baby the way i selected?.
I dont know.
But Ravi's happiness is more important.......... What to do........terminating or seeing the face of the baby and living the family life of our own.Let Nature decide.Nature is the greatest living force .
Nature will not kill anyone I am sure

Venu and Seema / A Story

Seema enjoying the speeding bike and wind blowing on her face and hair flying as if she is acting in a movie, her pillion riding is comfortable clutching her husband thigh in the front and pressing her youthful front on his back.Venu seems pleased and happy and I know Venu is always happy when driving and I sitting and pressing against him.If my thoughts waver and naturally my grip becoming loose , he would remind me partly to caution me and partly to get reassured he is clutched with grip - a sort of enjoyment for him always.
He is proud of his wife's beauty, complexion and style although I know he is dark, big and bulky , may be this is the reason why he always feels happy going out with me in bike and if another couple stare at us, he is happy thinking we are a good pair a sort of reassurance for him.
Venu asked me ' Hey , what are you thinking' may be my grip is losing due to my thinking about my past when i was a student in a college.
Seema's mind was travelling back and forth back to college days forth to the present travelling.
When I was in college, like thousands of girls, I had also a dream of my would be prince .I had a vision of a young,tall,and better complexioned , if not like me , at least a complexion coming near my imagination.This dream was lingering in my mind till the fateful day when my mother happened to take away a letter from one of my books ........ that is a love letter .
My mother looked at me without asking a question , I was ready to answer.But everything misfired, she never asked , neither I felt like telling.
The tragedy is , that letter was written to my friend by her boy friend giving a proposal to her which in turn she gave to me asking me my idea.
Life is unpredictable , so at the particular day when my mum came for cleaning and arranging the books , that fell down and mother saw the letter.
From next day onwards marriage broker came and exchanged photos and horoscopes and one day my father called me.
'Seema , see the photo of this boy, name venu,engineer, good position, propertied'
I did not say anything , things gained speed and marriage was over .My prince in the dream slowly vanished from my memory like a water colour painting shown in the rain.Only wet paper remained like me.
Suddenly bike stopped.
'what happened' I asked
'Nothing, I will make it alight'
I happened to look around........ surprise the college I studied , opposite that our bike stopped.All girls in colourful dress with their colourful dreams walking with usual glee and chit chat.
I felt as if everyone is looking at us.No they are in their own world.
I am adjusting to my world.
Venu asked me ' Shall we go?'
Yeah' I said.
He is intense .
We are exploring every night each other he in me , and I in him.
I think life will go on like thousands and thousands of couple.
Love is the intensity of feeling at the same level by two people at the same time , where as marriage is a convenience adjusting each other.I am right or no , I dont know.
I am reminded of a poem read somewhere:
A wind that
Searched for life
Pushed me from behind
And escaped
Not showing its face.

We humans like dried leaves thrown around by the wind creating a graphic of its own and at one point of time we realise we cant do anything of our own except being the instruments in the hands of powers not known to us.
Somehow we will be fine while I am burying my dreams, going to him like a twiner around a pole and he burying in the cave.

Pangs of Hunger / A story

Old mat,old clothes,old bed sheet and old sarees - these are put together is the bed both for me and my mother.Mother makes money by stringing together the jasmine and other flowers of daily use by ladies and for worshiping Gods and Goddesses ,almost a full time job except what we cook in the corner of the room.

Food normally is rice gruel , tapioca boiled , if fish found to be cheap once in a while in a month.

A small house,tiled .One room where everything is kept .Our working ,cooking all get finished in the room One veranda outside where we both sit for sometime to cool ourselves.No electricity.We both know what poverty means and we fight against all odds to live a life.

Flowers kept in a basket partly tied in string of cotton by our own hands and the rest is kept for doing it early morning.Ladies who sell will come and get it who are employed by the flower shop owners from whom we get our wages every week.

My mother and I were sleeping together on that old mat and whenever I feel for her I put my hand on her stomach and sleep.It is raining today and lightening also .Sound of thunder made me wake up around 12 O' clock and my hands as usual seeking my mother by my side but could feel only the saree and other clothes .

As I have been instructed by mother never to raise the voice and always maintain calmness, I kept quiet for sometime.

I felt some whispering noise feebly and I thought may be, the neighbor's house TV being watched and that house is away from us around more than 1000 feet , typical houses outside the town limit with little garden and a bamboo and shrubs separating the next house from us.

Again lightning with thunders , I am a bit afraid. I have come out to see whether my mother has come out for using the toilet which away outside the house near the compound.

I could hear whispering sound and thought mother talking herself for not getting sleep.

When lightning struck I found mother laying on the mat and another one voice in the same whispering with giggles and moaning which I could not recognize.

I slowly opened the door of my room and kept ajar for sometime........

Next lightning came and in the flash of light I could see four legs on the mat twining.I am just 11 years old girl.

Before the next lightning came I closed the door without locking and came back to the bed clutching the old clothes.

I tried to sleep..........

Shadow / A small story

She could barely see and if at all as if looking though mist what is happening around her.She has not come out of the influence of the Anesthesia given to her for a Caesarian delivery of her baby and her mother said she delivered a boy child though premature.She was assured by her mother that baby would be aright, Doctors said so and everything was taken care of.

She goes back to the anesthetic influence like a trance , she walks with him , her lover , in the narrow path of the garden as if made for the lovers hand in hand trampling the flowers strewn around by the trees on the both sides of the path.Quite a dreamy atmosphere walking with one , who she liked and loved and his fingers gripping her fingers and she felt secure in his fingers , as her future would be safe with him . He was tall,intelligent,smiling fit to the profession doing his Post graduation in Pediatrics.

Now when opened her eyes slowly with the post operative tiredness and anesthetic state, she could see her babe in the next room in an incubator and she could see the babe , her mother said a boy,through the glass separation .

Her mother is happy to look at , the exuberance shows she is a proud grand mother and she is smiling down at her daughter.

'How is the boy?'

'Doctors say fine , one young doc taking care of the baby "

'Oh , did you talk to the doc?'

'No, he smiled and I feel confident he is a good doc'

After drinking a glass of some hot drink, she slipped back into sleep .Her lover's fingers are soft and sweet to feel the memory even now. How wonderful those days , meeting , walking , the feeling of elation.Like all lovers we moved our fingers on each other showing our affection . His fingers touching my chin, nose and my lips.....hmm what a feeling it was !! The college campus was full of students in their white coats,some just carrying as if walking a kid, some putting folded on one side of the shoulder , some carrying cleanly folded and hung either left or right hand.

When she came back to consciousness she could see a Doctor attending her babe through the glass separation , baby in the incubator.Nurse said ' He is a good neonatalogist , very good doc"

She could see the back of the doctor attending the baby,but fingers of the doctor even from the distance a bit familiar, her feelings?......... or really so.

Mother was standing before the Doc , just watching as an observer.She came back and said 'Doctor says baby can be taken home in a few days"

Two days passed , and she could move around and went to see the boy in the incubator. While looking down the face, fingers,and the eyes, she was thrilled as a mother and some feeling inexplicable happening inside her .Oh this is called the love of mother , she thought.

Rustling of soft sponge shoes and Nurses made her to stand aside Doctor came with juniors and trainees.One trainee carrying the clinical report and showing the Doc and he was seeing all the parameters recorded in the report. Form behind my mother , I was watching closely .Doctor was seeing the babe touching with his fingers and talked to the juniors. Without turning around to see us he asked 'Who is the mother of this babe?'

I went to the front from behind my mother and he turned around to see me face to face.......

Oh My God!!!! this is him , my former lover, now neonatalogist .A flash came to his face which I have seen thousand times, now I standing dazed. He maintained his composure and said 'Baby is alright you can take him home tomorrow and a Paediatrician's name will be given to you , You can have your consultation with him for your baby. ok.' He passed quickly with his fellow juniors.

When I went back in the memory lane , how circumstances made around me got me married to another one and now in hospital for delivery.

My mother said 'What a good Doctor, how careful he was while taking care of the baby'

Yes' I said.My mother stood perplexed looking at my face.

Is my son resembling him in any way , face, fingers,.......... or my sedatives play a haphazard role in my thinking pattern.

Does mind instigate genetic mutation or simple genetics is purely a medical science?

Genetics is a proof of Medical Science but mind..............?

Hereditary Property - A Story

She is sitting in the Verandah of the Government Hospital ,discharged a few hours ago ,with a baby of three days old, for she was admitted herself in that Hospital one week back.The baby was kept in an old saree of her ,only tiny hands and legs were visible.She looked at the face of the child ,he opened the eyes and the lips , while looking at , seemed like smiling at her.She got courage from the new born face.The sort of courage she got seemed to have come to her owing to being a mother.Motherhood gives courage indescribable to any mother although many a time such young mothers when came into Hospital for delivery are afraid , especially the mother of her category.No one to look after her.

She looked again the face of the child which has no resemblance of her face, may be so because the child is a boy.

She did not have the strength of going out , could not shout and call an Auto-rikcha.

She looked around and saw an Aayah, who is scavenger in the Hospital whose face became familiar to her during this one week, was coming in her direction.

She called her 'Amma, could you do me a help?'

'What?' the scavenger asked in return.

'Would you please call an Auto for me , so that I can go home'

The scavenger knew no body came with her while admitting her in Hospital and she was alone and now sitting alone with the baby.She out of her experience could perceive what kind of pregnancy this must be , if no male comes , she knows what is the status of the baby.She felt something churning inside her since she is also a woman who certainly knows what would be plight of this girls .

Without answering she went out and brought an Auto.

When helping her go to the Auto , the lady carried the cloth bag containing some old clothes and a flask.Then she said to the Auto driver ' please be careful son,she is new mother, weak, take care while travelling and drop her in her house'

'Don't worry mother , I will take care the sister and drop her wherever she goes'

Then the scavenger started murmuring something partly heard partly unheard ' When these kind of things will stop, one is suffering and one responsible for this never bothers even to come to the hospital.......... when this all stop......... poor ladies.... no one in home .' and went back into the Hospital.

Auto driver turned back and asked 'Sister, where you want to go ?'

On hearing the place she wanted to go , he started driving and simultaneously talking to her .

All the way he was talking facing the road and she could hear only the voice.

' Sister, don't worry , I was also born like this in a Government Hospital 20 years back and my mother brought me up. Now I am an auto driver before you.I understand the plight of your mind and what you think about.. My mother was working I heard her say, in a big bungalow and she was a helper and cleaner in the house.Even I know my father who he is.But I dont have the right of any, since my mother accepted him owing to her age at that time.And you know I am the end result now as an Auto driver.You must know I am fortunate that my mother did not decide to end my life then , so I am a bastard now. It is ok sister, this is my fate..

One funny think , I may be wrong to say this to you , although I know right now 90% what is your status now, well funny thing is , my father , that big fellow with all the riches,came to see my mother in the hospital and inserted a ten rupee note under the pillow of my mother and walked away. That was the last time she had seen him , she worked in various houses and brought me up...........'

While he is talking I looked at the baby , trying to find any resemblance of the Watchman of the house she is employed 'Dhamu'......... may be, but will be visible only when this boy grows up.Again I started concentrating on the talk of the Auto driver.

'Sister , that thankless fellow, my father you know is a big land lord , despite that he did not help my mother financially ever.Very hard ways we lived, she is a tireless worker , still working in houses, cleaning the vessels, house etc . My income by driving this Auto is not enough since I drive this Auto , not my own'

Meanwhile while listening the story , my mind went to compare myself with the mother of this Auto driver.

' His hereditary property is ten rupees , may be not even that for me, Dhamu is living with his wife and children, already poor. So I must start working as soon as possible to work . I must tell my fellow girls to find some job, house job of cleaning etc, so I can take the baby along with me to my working place and make him grow into a youth.Somehow motherhood gives courage to fight against.I dont know, but I think it is natural for all women.'

My hereditary property is poverty , Auto driver's is ten rupees, for my son not even ten rupees.

FACES / A STORY

Many faces we come across in every day's life and never give thought to how they live or what they do, this is one of those faces which if followed would reveal the realities behind this kind of face.Her name is Meenakshi.
The place where she lives is near a Railway station where only passenger trains stop a few minutes and proceed , but two parallel of railway tracks one near the platform , another on the offside , beyond that track lives hundreds of families live in huts, hovels and hut-like structures only nights. Rest of the time is platform and train . Just begging in the running trains between the stations and come back to the station , nearby their huts are.
Meenakshi has one saari, which she uses so deftly to prevent the ogling eyes, night as a cover from the cold and giving warmth to her two kids; she has seven kids, five of them gone somewhere , where she does not know , but happy at least they will be eating and living somewhere, these two kids are too young , and a husband Ayyaavoo, who is a leper with only stubs as fingers.
Morning sun slowly spreading the rays equally to one and all without discrimination, and the clock of this shanties is one Pappan, who is an handicap , blind but good at singing; once he starts rehearsal means , next train is about to arrive at the platform within few minutes.Hundreds of beggars, both handicapped and able bodied living there, getting ready for their daily chore that is begging.Among them are some dancing girls, who are comparatively 'richer' since night time they are busy......... but kind enough to help others in times when someone ill and not able to go for begging.
Meenakshi's life is like parallel tracks , she knows, one is happiness another one is lifeless living never meeting each other.
Meenakshi starts getting ready, getting ready means sprinkling water and tidying the hair, take a few drops of oil from the lamp ,rubbing between the palms and apply on her face and hands; that is all , she is ready now for begging. She has seen both her young kids sleeping since the time is early morning.One end of the hut she as seen her husband slightly shaking his head and hands.......Oh, he has got up and shouting her to give something to eat. She has gone inside and brought a pot containing the last night's gruel, into which he dipped his stubs [fingers] to find out , whether any rice remaining. She has gone near him and put the pot near his mouth making him drink whatever remained yesterday.
Suddenly he spat the entire gruel on her face , castigating with all words not deserved to be written.
Meenakshi washed her face and swabbed her face with the end of her saari, started to run to catch the train for begging.
Sun is coming up to see her running towards the station.