One day events in My Diary / A story.

 5 o' clock

usually I get up morning and say few times my mantra on a particular deity and open my room's toilet  , wash my face and come back.Today in the early morning may be around 4.30 or before , I am not able to find out correctly ,have seen a face which stuck with my mind.Even now I am able to recollect , if am able to draw, I could draw right now.Well, it is like other dreams , when we see familiar faces, sometimes unfamiliar faces, but after getting up we are not able to recollect .This is strange.A boy who is helping me maintain the house stays with me , brought the tea, sipping the hot tea , I am writing my diary.

 6 o' clock

 Reading the news paper, both English and local paper , talking about he budget, Industries welcoming the budget, unfortunate no one like Nani.Palkhivala talks about with clarity, all Industrial and economic jargon.Revenue,fiscal deficit, budget of long vision,well posed budget, I think , the very budget is nothing but the dictation given by the industries in democracies, India not being an exception. 

 The so called benefits to the poor will go more than 60% to the politicians, rank and file, bureaucrats etc.,

 Still the face hunts me , some round face, with bright eyes,teeth like the Ad we see for tooth brush or tooth paste. 

  7o' clock

 I am getting ready to start for my college, oh I am working as a Professor of English, who is known for my closeness with students and take class in the line of the syllabus , sometimes to make them alert talk about the novels in English and other language.Ready after dressing up , I am sitting in the dining table , my helping boy brought something to eat which I eat without being conscious of what it is.

 That face.........some where seen or not seen .... just a consciousness bringing up a face which either might have seen in a magazine or paper or somewhere in the town while shopping.Even then why should this disturb me to this level. 

  9 o' clock  

Smiling , entered the class room of the final year students , almost everyone name is familiar and they know my nature of lecturing which goes beyond the syllabus, success is some of them would like to be journalist and some even writers although everyone will aspire for Post graduation.If a few become writers , I will be proud of my profession   Today , being away from the subject, I started asking as to whether they are interested to know one novel written by one of the finest writers in English.Having got the 'yes ' from them , I ventured into ' A Suitable Boy ' by Amitav Ghosh.

 It is a book more than 1300 pages which normally even real readers find impossible to finish early , some take long time, some read with brief intervals.    The relatively large number of major characters in the novel is itself a bit startling, though the family trees provided are helpful here. But then there are the relatively minor characters, dozens of them, and the crowds of incidental figures, and, literally, the crowds. Then there's the historical detail. There isn't a lot of straight exposition, but there are long sections of political wrangling, most of which require at least some contextualizing (though one striking feature of the novel, I think, is how much it opts not to explain). And there are details of other kinds, too, crowding the book: clothes and books and food and drink (lots and lots of food, and many, many drinks) and religious rituals and holidays, both Hindu and Muslim. And cricket. And shoe-making. And curriculum wars in the English department. And singers and songs and musicians--and their instruments. Of course, any novel interested in time and place has to include details, but the overall impression of A Suitable Boy is of crowds of them, not noisily clamouring for attention, but filling every available space, as if somehow the book is a tangible object, like Meenakshi's lacquered box, overflowing with sights and sounds and smells (the tanneries!). Did it always seem artistically controlled? No, not always, but I would be hard pressed to single out any expendable piece: once begin trimming and tidying, and where to stop, after all? Life is cluttered: why can't that be an artistic rationale?   

The interaction going on till the bell rings announcing the end of the class.   

 

3 o' c  

 

Nothing happened in between except some brief interaction with my fellow Professors about the recent politics,students,correspondent.etc.,

  

5 o' clock  

 

On my way back home I searched the face I have seen in my dream.No need to remember the face since never able to forget.Forgetting only makes you remember.What kind of feeling is this , that too one who never married , remained a bachelor till this minute, oh don't doubt my bachelor hood . A bachelor indeed that too one who is entering the later part of the 50s in his age.  

 

Is this love ....... or sex ? Is love   separate from sex? Then sex does not need love at all.... am I right? Then is love inclusive of sex or love is born out of sex need, although everyone says not so. Can someone in love through out his or her life without sex, if so , then why love comes to one ?    Right now may be mind works centering on love , so may be sex seems to be an ugly word . Then is sex something ugly who is in love, if so , what makes love between the two?  

 

Does not physical attraction play a role in bringing in love between male and female? If not how love develops? 

Then why should I be disturbed like this when some face which came in dream , whom I do not know.  

Sometime people talk of reincarnation ........does it have anything to do with this kind of affection and love to someone whom we have never seen in person or remotely possible to see or one day she may come before me and I will be convinced that she is that girl who came in my dream.Is there any significance to the dream? Is is a rule one should not have the feeling of sex to one whom he or she loves? Never ending answers.In my case, even if I happen to see her in person, I may not have the courage that is required to ask her consent to have sex.May be no experience.May be wrong , it is not etiquette to ask direct, then how this world of lovers works. Well better not to think in this way .   

 

10 PM  

 

I am in my bed reading my books and listening music. Some rustling sound nearby..... what is time now oh, around 110' clock ; is there anyone nearby ....... no . My helping boy would be seeing the TV now in the hall.

 

I felt someone rubbing my face and holding my finger. Is it real or dream? I don't know.Any way I have to sleep and travel miles and miles to reach the end of this journey designed by God.